Me, myself, I and other people

I know that I'm pretty hard headed really. If something needs to be done I'll get down and do it generally regardless. I have confidence in myself but I don't expect to get everything right. And I've met some nice people recently, some of them pretty tough people. I've also met some right shits but then that's par for the course isn't it. They don't get to me and they're usually pretty easy to read. I just think why bother because you ain't going to get to me. I've lived a life that makes that a little difficult to say the least.

Have been thinking about that in the last few days. Shit, you know, I've been through a lot in my life. Sometimes I think would I change it. Would I have wanted it to be easier. If it had been easier, if it had been different I wouldn't be the person I am now so I don't know. The person sitting here typing this would have different thoughts going through her head, reactions would be different I guess. I think, although I'm not all that comfortable with myself at times, I'm not that unhappy at where I am as a person. I've done things I wish I hadn't but I can't change that though one or two do haunt me sometimes. Not the daft things but one or two things that I would change for sure if I could put the clock back.

If I hadn't lived the life I have and found my way through things as they happened I would be different. I certainly wouldn't have the knowledge that I have. I would be very different wouldn't I. As I said I do wish I could change somethings and there are still things I'm not happy about me but I'm ok about being me and somehow I've got through the things I've experienced and seen without being scarred. I'm not bitter and I think it's made me sensibly compassionate.

I remember once in a class we were asked who we would like to be if we weren't ourselves and one guy said that he didn't want to be anyone but himself. Hehe .. that really impressed me. It's stuck in my mind all these years.

I wonder if he's lived his life with a lot of self knowledge.

Possibly.

So, there you are.

Can't believe how nervy I got today. Why?????????????

I guess it's maybe thinking about possibilities in the future that started the butterflies off.

Guess that's it isn't it.