Experience

I had a pleasant evening yesterday. I wasn't well, and was hallucinating very slightly because of the problems with my spine and head but apart from that it was a very nice evening. I've felt that I've been on another learning curve for the past few weeks, nothing to do with being ill, just with something else that's been going on in my life and yesterday evening learnt something about myself that totally surprized me. And scared me. Today I still felt surprized and rather unnerved, eyes were mentally twirling a bit. Funny really, I'm not that scared in situations where fear is the obvious reaction. I usually get pissed off or just try and relax if I know there's nothing I can do. I often don't see fear as an option because it gets in the way of clear thought if that's what's needed, and I can run just by sizing a situation up, and if there's nothing I can do I'd rather be a bit pissed off, but relaxed, than feeling fear. I'm probably like this because of all the experience of this kind of thing. But, here I am in a totally different kind of situation, that most people wouldn't connect to fear at all, and I'm scared. Anyway I'll continue learning but I realise that I'm seeing things differently than I was a few weeks ago, and today, for that matter, differently from how I saw them this time yesterday evening. Well, I have a new bit of knowledge to add to what I knew. And it really did take me by surprise though theoretically I should have known I guess. There've been a few surprizes these last few weeks along the same lines, that's why I say it's like a learning curve.