Feeling heaps and heaps better

Feel much better though I'm not well and won't be for sometime. But the day's been ok. Mainly because I went to see someone I'd met who works here to give them my e mail address and to get theirs because I'm leaving soon. They'll be leaving soon after too and going home which is a long way away. They want me to visit soon and they want to show me round cause I've never been to their country.

I was worried on my way there that I'd missed her because she's leaving the job sometime before she leaves the country and I couldn't remember when she said she'd be going. I just thought that I'd never let this happen again. I'd been reticent because of this wall I have built up and I wondered if I'd missed her because of it. I felt so sad which means the wall has been chipped away a lot. I've let down some of those defences.

Over the weekend I'd been thinking about someone else who worked there who I said I'd keep in touch with and then lost her phone number after she'd left. I was also nervous about meeting up as friends away from her work which is why I'd left it and then eventually lost the number. I felt really sad about this too.


Who should be there. I walked in and just could not believe it. She was there. No problems she just came over and hugged me and hugged me. And I just hugged her back. No problems like there used to be with the problems I had adjusting. I was just so pleased to see her. Explained what had happened and she said there were no problems and gave me her phone number again. Just talked and talked. Said how wonderful it was to see me. (How lovely I am. etc etc )(Ermmmmmmmmmmmm). Said much the same back without thinking because it was just so amazing to see her there in front of me when I thought I'd never see her again. It seems to be a cultural difference to be so open in this way and say things like this. I was willing to say the same because I meant it and I'd been so sad at the thought that I would never see her again. Been on my mind over the weekend.

She said that she hoped I'd come in today though she wasn't sure if I was even still around here.

The other woman wasn't there but I should see her soon and I can contact her now anyway so there's no chance that I'll miss her completely.

Have I changed. When did this happen. I did think of them as friends but there was still the problems I had with letting people into my life because of events in my life. And all those ruddy walls that I'd built.

There you go. Something has changed.

I'll meet up before I go, away from her work. And hopefully we'll keep in touch via email after I've gone and that I can occasionally come up, and she can occasionally come down and we can just go out in London for the day. That's what we were planning before so I guess that's how it'll be.