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Can't sleep cause my head is still raw.


What do you do when people start really getting through to you. I've coped for a long time with putting most of my emotions into being protective of people and that's how I express my feelings generally. I protect other people.

Now I'm talking to people who talk directly about how they're feeling and I have to talk back. I'm really not used to it. I know how I feel but I'm finding it very hard to talk about, they don't. They want to know how I'm feeling. Usually this early on whatever I felt I wouldn't be telling the person I was dating about it. They tell me how they feel. It's difficult for me.

I like them very much and my emotions are getting very involved. But for me it's too early to talk about things like that. I'd normally just want to go out and get to know whoever I was dating and possibly get very slightly physically involved.

Today I realised that I'm not finding other people attractive in a romantic way anymore. It's just not figuring there. It was before I met these people. Infact it was noticeable a couple of hours before I met the guy when someone started talking to me in Sainsburys. I made my excuses and left there too. But I was aware that I found this person attractive. Don't think it'd even cross my mind if it happened now instead of when it did.

Unless something goes wrong it's obvious how things are going to go. They are probably the first people I haven't felt rather embarressed and awkward with when thinking about taking things further. We talked about that the day I spent hours with them and I had quite a lot of explaining to do. Not that someone else hadn't talked to him about it anyway before he even met me.

I knew that things would work out when we were saying goodbye before they left.

I love talking to them. And I do like the idea of being open with each other but I just find it hard to do. I tend to do things for people and protect them rather than talk about how I feel. I try to make things better for people.

I suppose I have to tell them.


Oh .. You know I hadn't even thought of that.


And I know why. I come from a family where to be open like that would be putting yourself in a position to be emotionally abused.